Checkmating With The Relationship Attachment Model

The Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) was established by Dr. John Van Epp in his examination in regards to the growth of a relationship.

It’s a basic method to take a look at how relationships ought to develop in order to become healthy.

It comprises of five dynamics (which are classified in a chronological order) that we are going to discuss in this article:

  • The first is “Know” – bonding with someone and usually occurs after you’ve had ample time to know them.
  • The following is “Trust” – as you find a good pace, you set up your bits of knowledge to make a powerful image of that individual, and the more you know, the better you can start to trust. The “knowing” kicks things off, and from that, trust is formed.
  • The third bonding dynamic is named “Rely” – this alludes to the activity that follows from trust. Dependence develops from the manners in which you address someone else’s issues and also how they address your issues.
  • The fourth is “Commit” – this dynamic in a relationship would come after you find your partner reliable, then you become certain of your place in his/her life, as well as being certain of the relationship’s destination.
  • Finally we have come to “Sexual Touch” – Sexual intercourse between partners solidifies the bond between them, and it is the strongest of the attachment models.

Table Of Contents

Order Of Occurrence

The dynamics are grown chronologically so that one should begin with “Know”, at that point move to “Trust, etc, and no segment ought to occur before the one in front of it.

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For example, it’s hard to Trust someone before you know them, and truth be told on the off chance that you trust someone before you truly know them, you can wind up in an unbalanced or unhealthy relationship.

It’s likewise difficult to rely on someone before you’ve started to trust them, so one dynamic ought to follow the other from top to bottom.

In our way of life, recreational sex and “hooking up” are extremely normal. When this happens right off the bat in a relationship, there isn’t a lot of time to know, rely or commit.

Sex makes a bond between two individuals. So now we have two people that are sexually dynamic, but they truly don’t have the foggiest idea whether they can trust one another, or know if they can rely on one another, or what level of commitment is in the relationship.”

In another instance, it is conceivable to start to rely on an individual before trusting them or knowing them; but this may turn out badly because, with this, one is setting herself up for a fall, since it may be the case that the individual she’s starting to rely on isn’t exactly trustworthy.

It is quite far-fetched to know all about a person and their heart desires in the first few days of your relationship with them, you need ample time to know them before you should begin to trust them.

This is why the Relationship Attachment Model must be adhered to in the order they were developed.

Often times people will present their best version of themselves when you meet them for the first time, especially when they are romantically interested in you, this falsification of personality can play a major role in deceiving an individual and making them fall for the farce.

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But in a scenario where you can spend ample time on the knowing stage of the Relationship Attachment Model as opposed to skipping to the sex side of things then the cracks in the person’s personality begin to show.

There are a few exceptions where couples begin a relationship from the sex part of the model and still end up working out, yes granted it is feasible, but the chances of this occurring are incredibly low.

Very few men would want to know about a woman he had sexual intercourse with on their first encounter as he already sees her as loose and too easy to take to bed.

Last Thoughts

The Relationship Attachment Model straightforwardly addresses the abnormal normalcy in our way of life where couples feel the need to move rapidly into a sexual relationship before they’ve done the emotional bonding that makes a solid relationship.

It likewise brings logical proof that relationships have a superior probability of progress when they are developed gradually after some time, and it characterizes the correct strides to push a relationship ahead in a healthy manner.

The best thing for mutually dependent people is to truly know your partner; additionally, you should know yourself; If you know yourself well you’ll know about your strengths and weaknesses.

Mutually dependent or not, we as a whole have explicit inclinations that can go off course.

Be transparent about who you are as an individual including your character blemishes.

When you know yourself well you’ll be able to know the capabilities of another person properly.


The Relationship Attachment Model is a great formula to follow if you are having trouble in your current relationship, or if you have trouble building an effective love relationship with someone else.

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Initially adhering to the RAM may prove difficult for you, as you are used to a certain approach to relationships. But give yourself the chance to be patient, follow the order, and watch your relationship evolve.

Yes, it may be, scratch that…it will be difficult to hold back sex from someone you are strongly attracted to, especially when they seem “perfect” personality-wise.

But it really is worth the wait, if everything turns out great, you and your partner would have all the sex in the world.

To help curtail your sexual desires towards that person, you may avoid being alone with them in a lonely place, or their place of residence if they live alone because it is during these times that “sexual mistakes” occur, you could also go out on dates that involve physical games as opposed to sitting and staring.

Whatever you do, just endeavor to obey the dynamics chronologically.